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So today, for the first time, I had to actually give money to see if my teeth aren’t rotting like those of Jeremy Kyle’s ‘victims’ and, guess what, force-of-habit led to me walking out the dentist without paying. This led to an embarrassing phone call which found a very polite way of rephrasing “give us the fucking money!” and I had to make the walk of shame back.

They asked me for an excuse, to which I answered “I’m afraid, as a 19-year-old uni student, I am currently suffering from severe naivety,” and “it’s going to be a good twenty years before I can confidently claim that I have any common-sense.” Fortunately, begging through self-deprecation was the winning ticket to forgiveness and the embarrassment was no more. The End.