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I finish my shop at Aldi (don’t judge me). I go to the tills. There is a huge gap between one customer’s shopping and the other’s upon the conveyor belt, wasting a lot of space in the middle and leaving me no space for mine. I look to the man standing beside it. What is wrong with him? I wait for the shopping at the front to move so I finally have some space. I start to unload the groceries from my basket. I sense the man staring at me. I try to ignore him. I start to wonder if it’s because I unloaded my alcohol first; “typical bloody student,” he must think. No matter, I continue until all my shopping’s on the conveyor belt.

However, as the belt moves, the man doesn’t move with his shopping. Is he on drugs? I’m now going to have to brush passed him, accompanying my goods. I approach him. Then I see it. Low and behold, the man is holding a basket of shopping in the arm that was obscured by his mildly chubby body. It’s not his shopping on the conveyor belt. He was next in the queue, but was just standing awkwardly beside someone else’s shopping. I have pushed in. I have pushed in and now must pass the man who I have pushed out.

As I pass, I can hear his content but angry breaths. I don’t understand, whose shopping am I in front of? Wait, it’s the same guy whose shopping was at the front. He hogged the entire conveyor belt, the bastard! I mean, who the fuck leaves a huge gap between their shopping to spite everyone else, the self-absorbed cretinous snake! Oh wait, what’s that in his trolley that the Assistant is scanning? Oh no, it is two large bags of compost that he clearly was stopped from putting on the conveyor belt but, nonetheless, he’d prepared a gap for. The only one in the wrong now is me, and perhaps the man I accidentally pushed out for standing in such a fucking vague place, how was I supposed to know?

My turn has come. The Assistant slams me with “So is that your shopping there?” clearly aware of the bastard-act I had carried out. I simply reply “yes,” deliberately deploying a manner that makes me sound more innocent and stupid than I actually am (quite the impeccable feet, I know), hopefully she’ll think that I am a lost child of this world who is unaware of what they have done. I know what I’ve done.

No matter, I leave the shop and hope to never see any of these fucking people again.

– Horsey